Gilgamesh

We dined with Ping, John & Rich tonight at Gilgamesh, a themed restaurant in Camden Town. It’s a bit overwhelming visually but I didn’t dislike the endless carved-wood frescos and ornate inlaid furniture as much as I’d expected; it should be an assault on the senses, but isn’t. The food and drink was all good – although I think somewhat overpriced for the portion sizes. That said, the portion sizes were just about right and I came away feeling full but not stuffed. A good variety of cocktails and a superb wine list complemented the simple menu. I’d go there again – but probably only for special occasions.

Early Morning Confessional

Okay, I’ve been a bad blogger. I haven’t published in weeks. It’s not that I’ve not had the energy, more that I’ve been so busy, that there have been so many demands on my time that, when I’ve had time, I’ve not wanted to give part of me away.

Work is busy and stressful at the moment for lots of reasons I won’t bore you with. It probably won’t calm down until towards the end of April. On the up-side Rob S, a close colleague from my previous job, has accepted the role of my deputy so I’m looking forward to working with him again. On top of all that I think the new role I find myself in is forcing me to grow as a person, which is a good (if somewhat hard) thing. It’s only when I look back now I realise that I’ve been in something of a rut for a while at work. So here’s looking forward to a Brave New World!

Socially I think I have been even more out-of-touch than usual. Several times lately I’ve dropped out of events at the last minute because I am so drained when I (eventually) get out of the office. My birthday (a week past already!) was enjoyable precisely because we didn’t “do” anything for it; we stayed home, wandered around the village and indulged ourselves a bit. Brett wrote me the most lovely, touching message in my birthday card. I love him so much.

And now it’s almost time to get up and start in on another week. I ate rather too much at dinner late last night. Consequently I woke up around 4:30am and haven’t been able to get back to sleep; not a propitious start for the week ahead, but at least I do feel ready for the challenges it will no doubt bring.

Rejuvenation

Well Friday turned out to be quite productive; all the problems had either solved or been worked around so I was able to get on with being productive again and boy did it feel good!

The weekend has been fairly photographically orientated. I spent a fair amount of Saturday processing the pictures I took last weekend on the Out Photographers’ walk around The City – actually none of them were much good. Brett and I headed out around town in the afternoon and ended up watching Hot Fuzz – excellent fun; imagine an all-action Hollywood blockbuster shoot-em-up movie set in a quaint, slightly caricatured English village… I’m surprised they didn’t nuke the vicarage before they were done!

We had a bit of a cosy evening afterwards though.

Today was more mucking about with the camera – actually more time was spent trying to make the dining room function as a studio than was spent with the camera, but what can you do? – as I followed up my recent photography course with some practice.

Life is a Cabaret, Old Chum

How long has it been? I don’t know; I’ve lost track.

It’s been a crazy week at work following work at the weekend following a busy week at work; I’ve been interviewing, I’ve been budgeting, I’ve been doing open heart surgery on the network (well, okay, replacing the central firewall!) Am just back from the second session of a photography course I’d booked myself onto, which was well worth the £90 it cost. Was out for the day on Sunday with a group of guys from Out who are forming a photography club (not as cheesy as it sounds, honestly!)

When I got back tonight, Rosie was in a lather; she’d been talking to one of her friends who’s just thrown her husband out of the house for allegedly having an affair. However, while the husband is certainly hot enough to be prime affair-having material, he’s actually always struck me as far too devoted a husband to do that kind of thing and too honest to deny it if he were and was confronted about it. But then, what do I know!? People are surprised about the depths of depravity that go on in my mind because outwardly I’m such a straight-forward guy, so I guess you can’t always judge by appearances. Either way, the evidence in this case sounds highly circumstantial so I hope they can work it out.

Brett is out at a Chorus meeting tonight but has hopefully spent the day finishing off a ‘code test’ he had to perform as part of his application for a job. I hope he gets it, if for no other reason than I think the cabin fever is really getting to him and these last few weeks we’ve hardly seen each other.

We went out to see Cabaret last night; Brett had been in town for lunch with Ping and had stopped by the half-price booth in Leicester Square afterwards. It’s been on our list since it opened but after the first half I was rather indifferent. The second half though was much stronger and the ending struck deep. I was pensive all the way home and just wanted to keep Brett close to me.

More interviews tomorrow. And more budgetting.

Domestic Satisfaction & More Sondheim

I’ve been fairly industrious this weekend; lots of laundry done, dishes washed, shopping bought – I even spent an hour this afternoon cleaning the inside of the fridge! Alas tidying didn’t quite make the agenda, so the flat still looks like a bachelor pad, but I am feeling good nevertheless.

Saturday evening I was back up near Old Street, firstly having dinner with Brett and the rest of the cast and subsequently watching the show for a second time. Compared to Friday night there was a spectacular improvement in the quality of the performance; there were still some pretty severe tuning issues in a couple of places, but they’d got the amplification problems sorted out so you could hear better and several of the individual performers were much improved. Given the difference from the Friday night to the Saturday night, I can’t help but wonder what difference another couple of weeks’ rehearsal might have made!

John W & Rich C were there along with John’s ex, Edward. Also along for the evening was Mark G, another Chorus guy, with an old friend.

After the show there were drinks in the bar. Once the audience had drifted off, the cast and their significant others/hangers-on all headed up the Kingsland Road for some Turkish food and the typical round of self-congratulations and talk of the future. Brett and I eventually headed home around 2am in a taxi with two other south-of-the-river folk.

Avenue Q 4-1 Side By Side By Sondheim

You know you’ve seen a musical too many times when;

1) One of the leads walks on stage and you think to yourself, “Hmm, he’s lost weight since the last time I saw him,”

2) You get caught off-guard by the start of a song – but still know all the words,

3) You find yourself watching the audience more than the stage at the ‘good bits’ to enjoy their reaction to what you know is coming!

So Owen had some cheap tickets to see Avenue Q on Thursday and Rosie and I went along to see it. Still very enjoyable. During the interval we were sitting in the foyer eating our ice creams and nearby were a couple who, by their accents, were down from Liverpool: She was amazed that she was filling-up with tears for the puppet characters while he was exclaiming how he had been expecting The Muppet Show and “it so wasn’t!” More satisfied customers.

Thursday was also the opening night of Brett’s show, Side By Side By Sondheim, and he came home feeling fairly good about it; he’d gotten most of his words right and hadn’t made any major cock-ups. (He has great difficulty memorising lyrics.)

Friday I had a ticket for the show (with Rosie again) and we headed up to Old Street after work. John Mc and his new boyfriend, Richard, were there too.

I must admit that, when Brett had said that some of the cast members couldn’t sing, I had thought he was exaggerating, but in fact he wasn’t. I understand that most of the cast were suffering badly from lingering colds – just as Brett had been until recently – but even so some of the show was just excruciating. I feel guilty saying that, as I’ve met a number of them and they are all great people, but the show definitely needed more work.

Brett at least was in shining form. Other than in the Chorus and at parties, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him perform before and he’s always worrying about forgetting words and being nervous, so it was a bit of a revelation to see him so relaxed and confident on stage. Afterwards he said that he was still just as nervous as ever, but it certainly didn’t come across in his acting, dancing or singing. I was glowing all the way home.

I’m seeing the show again tonight, but having now seen it the once, I think I will be better prepared when tonight’s show is over to walk that treacherous fine line that will be the After Show Party!

Aboard the Flying Scotsman

The day has gone pretty much as expected; I spent a few hours in the office first thing and everything there was going smoothly. Left around 11am and spent an hour reading in the big bow window coffee shop in Waterstones before taking a stroll along to the station. The weather is glorious; sunny, clear blue sky and quite mild for February. From the office you can see right the way out past the Firth of Forth.

The journey has again been lovely; I’ve put away my fair share of the free tea and taken advantage of the onboard wifi to chat to Joe R and Chris C whilst developing another blog comment for one of my mental scratching posts.

A quiet night-in tonight I think, as Brett is rehearsing!

Release

So in the end the job that I expected to be done with around 8:30 lasted until gone midnight. The only small consolations were a call from Brett when he finished his rehearsal, chatting online to a couple of friends in between checking on the server and seeing Edinburgh Castle out of the office window in all of its illuminated glory, apparently floating over the darkness of The Mound; very picture-postcardesque.

A certain amount of schadenfreude knowing that they guy whose fault it was that this all happened was up at least as late as me making sure it doesn’t happen again. I think I am going to take advantage of the late night and claim back some hours tomorrow to relax around Edinburgh; maybe just pop into the office first thing to make sure they’re all okay and then spend the rest of the morning reading and drinking coffee in Waterstones on Princes Street. I can always catch up with the work email on the trip back… free wifi on GNER!

Destructive Urges

Right now I really want to smash something. I want to take something, ideally complex and intricate, and then throw it at a wall, then stamp on the pieces and grind them into the carpet. I am really, really frustrated at the moment and I want to take it out on something other than the HP Proliant server which is the cause.

Yes, once again, the stress in my life is being caused by a server.

I’m in Edinburgh to do an OS upgrade on the server here. Before beginning work at that kind of level, it’s usually a good idea to give the machine a reboot to refresh the system and make sure there are no outstanding changes that could interfere with what you want to do. As the server was starting up again from this reboot, I noticed it automatically installing a piece of software that it should not be… and that’s when my evening started wading through treacle.

I’m now three hours into the job and I haven’t started the ninety-minute upgrade I came here to do. I am still trying to uninstall this retched piece of crappy little software (produced, by the way, by a market-leading security company!) off of my server so it will start responding to me in real time again and let me do what I came here to do.

Fuck computers.

Déjà Vu

And the rest of the week was strangely similar to the first half.

Had a pleasant dinner with Joe R on Thursday evening over at the Earls Court Balans. It was the first time we’ve gotten together since New Year so we had some catching up to do. As well as the usual stuff, he had some interesting observations about some of his fellow guests at the party (none of which I am going to share here!)

Friday was tedious and long and I was glad when it was over.

Today I spent a little while at the British Museum, where a group of the Out guys were getting together to talk about forming a photography group. Interesting idea; some tuition, exhibition, criticism and organised shoots. Ironically, the first meeting proper clashes with one of the photography classes I already have booked. Nevertheless, at least I’ve got my name on the list.

Was meant to be doing a second portrait shoot with Graeme N tomorrow, but he’s got the ‘flu so I’ve got a day to myself. For all that, though, I’ll probably end up spending it reading CVs.

No gym today. I feel guilty.

A Quick Salute in the Admiral Duncan

Work was rather unsatisfying today; got very little done and had to deal with lots of interruptions along the way.

Chris C was in town though so we got together for dinner at Balans in Soho after work. We had a pleasant meal and did some catching up and then had a brief wander through Soho. He was quite unperturbed by the exotic delights of the Prowler Store (and I was disappointed that they don’t seem to stock the UK Firefighters Calendar, as I’m sure it would have raised a smile) but he was quite moved when we had a pint in the Admiral Duncan. (Through his job he has quite detailed knowledge of the bombing in 1999 and it felt significant to be having a drink in the rebuilt pub, which was busy even on this bitterly cold Tuesday evening.)

We went our separate ways along the Bakerloo line shortly thereafter and I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was only just 10 o’clock when I got home, as it had felt like quite a full evening.

There's a Song in my Head

Why do songs get stuck in our heads, playing over and over? For months I’ve had the tracks of Avenue Q appearing spontaneously, then at the weekend John & Rich had ‘A New World’ on one of their playlists and that became the new theme-to-my-day and now, after last night’s rehearsal, I’ve got ‘I Just Wanna Dance’ from Jerry Springer The Opera going round and round behind my eyes. Are there any psychologists or neuroscientists out there who can tell me why these things keep sticking in my head??

'Round An Unexpected Bend

Hmm… I think there was a weekend in there somewhere.

Saturday we got up late, watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and by then it was lunchtime. Brett and I did a bit of shopping then spent an hour in the gym before lunch. By the time we’d finished lunch there were only a couple of hours left before we had to leave for John & Rich’s party so we pretty much just lazed and read.

The party was good, although as ever I drank a little too much too early and then spent the second half of the night sobering up. Good food too (and a chocolate fountain!) The house is lovely; spacious and in a nice setting although it looks a little sparse at the moment as they are still furnishing it. It was an entirely Chorus and WAGs affair but was social enough for all that; not too much Chorus politics (although there were a few sharp words between Brett and John G but they kissed and made up afterwards…) Didn’t get to bed until four-ish.

Was in fairly good shape this morning; hung out with Raman until John came downstairs and we began some clearing-up. Eventually the other over-nighters, Marc & Roddy emerged and we all had some toasted muffins before departing. After dropping them off close to their home, Brett and I continued up to Walthamstow to drop him off for his rehearsal. I eventually made it home a little after 2pm and pretty much napped my way through the afternoon.

Now suddenly it’s Sunday night and the weekend is over.

Imagine No Religion

At a time when people of religion are out attempting to kidnap their brethren to behead online or lobbying the government to protect their own intolerance, perhaps we should all take a moment to imagine how it might be without the irreconcilable, dogmatic “certainties” that afflict such people.

I thoroughly recommend Richard Dawkins’ book The God Delusion as a compelling discussion of why we don’t need God or any of his trappings in our universe.

A note from a table at Starbucks

Done the gym thing, not time for my train yet; just sitting here, drinking my coffee and watching the world go by in the low-slanting says of the morning sun. Life is good (so far!) today.

On the Treadmill

I am planning to join a gym. I’ve been thinking about it for a while; since I’ve stopped cycling to work I’ve been putting on weight and just generally conscious of getting no meaningful exercise. I’ll probably start cycling again once the clocks change and I can cycle both to and from work in the light and avoid all the faffing about with the lights, batteries and chargers, but I’m also looking for something which helps with the fitness but takes less planning on a daily basis.

Brett is a member of the local Esporta, although he very rarely goes, so because it’s very convenient (between the flat and the train station) I thought I’d check them out to see what the costs were and if their membership terms were any less draconian than gyms I’ve joined in the past. It turns out that they are not. The only good thing about it though is that the membership manager agreed to limit my minimum commitment to six months if we change addresses –something which we are highly likely to be doing in May.

So that’s the plan; having pondered some more overnight, I’m heading down this morning with Brett (joint membership is marginally cheaper than two singles) to sign the paperwork. We’re even going to get a permanently-allocated locker so that we can leave essential kit instead of having to have it with us and then, in the mornings, instead of me sitting on the sofa surfing for a couple of hours before work while Brett lays in bed, we should be getting some cardiovascular exercise in.

I know that I have pretty miserable amounts of willpower, so I’m planning the whole concept around making it as routine and easy as possible to do; doing something every morning means we get used to getting up earlier, we can leave trainers and washbags there so I don’t have to carry it to work with me or take a detour back home, keeping a supply of shorts, t-shirts and socks at the gym will mean it’s also something that I can do on my way home from work if I feel the urge (because I know that if I have to go home first, I’ll sit on the sofa and not move again all evening!)

Reading over what I’ve just written, it does sound rather like an over-excited child, but hopefully if we really can establish a low-maintenance routine we will stick with it and do ourselves some good.

Watch this space…

Youth Group Reunion

Okay, so I guess I just always expect the worst from people. I shouldn’t.

The reunion was great fun actually; not dissimilar from the get together we had at our parents’ place just before Christmas, but with more people. Just a big nostalgia-fest really. No aggressive one-upmanship. Most people hadn’t changed that much, some had a bit more weight or a bit less hair but mostly they looked as I remember them from our chaotic teenage years. Nigel, the organiser, is going to send round a CD of the old photographs that he had printed out and stuck on the wall and I may publish a few of them on here for you to smile at; there’s lots of teenage attitude and 80’s fashions. For all that though, tonight I feel like an old man pining for the golden days of youth. I’m also annoyed with myself at being so reticent to talk to people; I hardly spoke to Kirk & Craig B, Janice N, Colin G and the whole idea was to catch up with people. Ah well, maybe I’ll just have to organise another one in five years time.

What is a Better Life?

No serious crises at work this week. In fact it felt rather good; getting to grips with the planning of some upcoming operations, completing the job-specs for the two people I need to recruit and starting to plan our projects ready for the next financial year. At one of our lunchtime seminars I also got to hear about how the work on the 2012 Olympics is going; in amongst the inevitable politicking between agencies there’s some really quite clever ideas being used to get the extra tens-of-thousands of people around London on time every day.

Apart from Monday night, this week has been fairly quiet socially, with me coming home and sitting on the sofa for the other weeknights. I haven’t exactly been doing nothing, but then there’s not much to blog about either.

Brett had an interview with a company not far from our office yesterday: a small start-up company looking to take on a couple of full-time Ruby programmers. At lunch afterwards he seemed generally pleased with how he performed but won’t hear until Tuesday whether he has got the job.

Today at lunchtime I’m on a train up to my parents’. I’m off to my old youth group reunion tonight. Not really sure what I’m expecting from the event. Of the list of forty-six adults who’ll be there, I recognise less than half the names and, of those, there are few that I either am not in touch with independently or whom I don’t remember much more about than their names.

I think there’s a certain one-upmanship at the back of my head though; I want to go back home and amaze all these people with how much better my life has been than theirs. That’s not a particularly edifying motive but I think it’s a strong underlying stimulus and in a way it’s rather therapeutic facing it; I'm only recently realising how insecure I was as a youth. Comparing my state of mind then and now, I am happy with the person I’ve become. (Well, apart from the teenage-insecurity-revenge-desire I’m clearly still carrying around…)

Whether my life has turned out objectively ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than those of my teenage peer-group is academic when most of them are effectively strangers now and I have a very comfortable lifestyle with a loving partner at my side and good prospects for the future.

I’ll be able to tell of foreign travel, exotic locations and performing with major celebrities, others will have their own stories to relate and their families to show off. I imagine Chris C will carry the kudos stakes though with his action-hero anecdotes. I am going to simply try and enjoy the hot-pot and apple pie and the happiness of others (even though I know that, at the back of my mind, some part of me will still be keeping score.)

What Is The Truth?

Maybe this is the truth. At least that's the experiment.

(Hat-tip to Pharyngula for the link)

Tonight

Why is organising travel never as easy as it should be???