Sunday Night Blues

It feels a bit like grief, as if he were leaving me for good; a hollow-stomached desolation, as if a part of me has been cut out. I get this feeling to some degree every week when Brett is getting ready to go back to Stockholm. This week it is more acute. I think I am probably a little depressed – I haven’t slept well on any night this week (initially because of work and latterly because of the weather) and when I am tired, my moods are more extreme.

It feels as if I have only just got him back and now he is leaving again. At the start of the weekend, when he gets home, it always takes a time to reconnect with each other; to mentally change gears and mesh our lives and minds again. That’s the awkward bit. Then there is the brief interval of being a couple again and then, as Sunday evening rolls around, there is the pain of preparing to separate once more.

This weekend has been quite a ‘social’ one. We’ve spent a lot of the time with other people and less time with just ourselves. That probably hasn’t helped. Next weekend should be a bit better though – that’s going to be our long weekend together.

I hope I sleep better this week.