Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Child Inside

I have often heard it said that the birth of your first child, or sometimes the realisation that you are going to be a parent, makes you realise suddenly that you are no longer a child yourself. It’s supposed to be a step-change; when you suddenly feel a weight of responsibility settle onto your shoulders. Strangely, I mentioned the likelihood that I would never father a child as a reason for wanting to give back to the community through serving as a Magistrate.

Yet now that I’m over the initial excitement of getting through the first interview, it is beginning to sink in: If I’m successful I will have become a ‘pillar of the community.’ If I get through the selection process I really will be affecting peoples’ lives, directly and sometimes profoundly. It isn’t quite the epiphany of parenthood, but the realisation is beginning to nibble at me: This really is a serious thing I’m doing. I’m not a kid any more.

Bruce sent me a text message saying “For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be VERY good at this. I don’t think I know anyone more honest and upright than you!” It’s reassuring to know that my friends think so highly of me. Even so, if I ever do get to sit on a Bench, I think I will still feel like a nervous child inside. The trick to adulthood, it seems, is just not to let that show.

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